Friday, June 17, 2011

May 22, 20o11 Moving on with memories


On the farm we can wipe out years of our lives with one match and so I have done. The flames- about 4 feet high with orange-ish yellow arms reached for the trees and now mirror the bright orange on their leaves. My mind reached back when Dennis would call for us to present everything we wanted to burn. It was time; the rain had prepared a safe environment for this job. So, began the task of removing more of my history, my past life,  charges of special events; the theater or dinner, electric bills; tax returns; insurance statements-medical needs, he kept good records and now they are fueling the dancing flames; like some ancient ritual.

Going through boxes from the attic I try to sneak up on things so as not to dwell in any area to long. “Get ur done,” rings in my mind over and over. Concentrate on the task at hand; no time to spare, make the decision to keep or let go. Then I discover the undecided location again. The task is repeated and then abandoned for a while. When the urgency returns a mad dash to make the decisions and complete the project pushing forward with the unwanted, but necessary task.

There are 7 medium boxes pushed back into the attic. Two (can you believe it) contain craft magazines I could NOT bring myself to let go of. Silly as it may seem they bring me joy…memories of teaching children crafts, or projects with friends =  all happy times. Then there were more of “His” things…my mind rushes to watch him loading the box with belongings that were important. What was on his mind as we packed things away (knowing we would be back to continue our life in the future)?

With the task complete, long tables were folded and leaned against the wall, floor swept, and supplies checked for the painting task tomorrow and the words “job well done” came to my mind. I did it!

A month long review of 70 boxes brought me another step forward into my new life, another door gingerly closed to my past, but not forgotten.

I move ahead, not alone, but with God and a purpose He has given me.

Now with joy in my heart, God at my side and volunteers ready we prepare this place, God’s Cozy Acres, so others can, by the grace of God find direction and hope.

Job well done.

May 15, 2011 "You Can NOT Do It Alone"!

We did it, so why can’t I do it? It worked before…I’m not a wimp…and this can be done! I set my mind to it and I moved forward to raise chickens again. Easy enough, we did it before. The second phase cage was old, homemade, heavy and awkward even with the John Deere (tractor). With my can-do attitude I managed to pull ALL the muscles in my body until I got the stupid cage near the cottage.  I knew I had over stepped my physical capabilities by a factor of 1000 or more. So, no big deal I just won’t do anything tomorrow, that’s because I am too sore to move. I am sure I would never ask anyone else to do that alone, but I won’t ask for help either.  Why not? you ask, because I don’t want to become a burden to anyone, I’m not old and frail; I’m healthy and strong-like-ox (insert manly grunt here). Boy, can I stretch the truth here or what? My mind is talking not my body. I hurt again just typing this out. Lesson not yet learned.

Here is the visual…picture this: Blocks need to go under this cage which is about 50#s or 70#s about 6 feet long and perhaps 3 feet Deep and high. OK no problem, I got metal chair and a heavy shovel, tip the chair use it for leverage and the shovel picks up the cage. Great job! Now I can hold that cage up and all I need is another person to put the block under the cage. There is no way I can be 2 people. I argue with myself on how I can do this job. There was no easy way it was going to happen, I was going to get hurt again and I knew it. So I tossed the chair and shovel aside and lifted the cage with my right arm and struggled to pull the 30# block under the corner with my left hand. This was yet another lesson for this stupid stubborn moron who refused to ask for help. Will I forgive myself, yes and I will take day off again.  I am just a little hard on myself and I have to eventually stop that or God will allow me to do something really harmful and I will be forced to wait for help. You know I don’t want that! So, I will try…no not really…not yet I won’t.

The chickens are getting big and I tried to build a nesting box group, which ended up being too heavy. My construction skills and physical strength were too limited to complete the task successfully.  There I was holding a massive, oversized nesting box trying to get legs under it. Again, I needed more carpentry skills than I had…and two more hands.

We had chickens in this donkey barn before and they were just fine so I got three chickens (from the original 6) and brought them to the new home with lots of space. By morning I had 1 ¾ chickens left.  Looks like I forgot one big thing, the donkeys kept other animals out of the barn so the chickens were safe then. But the donkeys are gone now and a weasel ate one chicken and took the entire wing from another. Guilt filled my heart now—I was at fault for this pain. I wouldn’t ask for help and animals had to suffer. Did I finally learn my lesson? Yes.

Now I have a chicken with one wing and a prayer. She is alive and doing well considering one wing is gone. Is this chicken me? She made it through some unexpected terrible circumstances, she is alive, but a portion of her is missing; and always will be, there will be no flying, there will be a new life path. I guess we will see what happens to my chicken as I decide what to call her and her friend. With a review of the situation and the sound of a crow I guess we have a Lucky and Lucy combination here.